I wrote this post exactly 3 months before Enoch was born. This is what it said.
I really wholeheartedly believe EVERYTHING IS A GIFT. I haven’t adopted this now that “everything in my life is good” or because I finally got pregnant. It’s something that has become more and more evident over time. That we have come into this world with nothing, that we don’t “deserve” anything. You see I’ve walked a lot of days on this earth angry or sad because something didn’t go the way I thought it should… in timing, in outcome, etc. The problem is I have spent a lot of those days feeling like “I deserve” something and people have encouraged this thought process saying things like, “you deserve a vacation”, “you deserve a new car”, “you deserve to be a mom” etc. I understand the sentiment, but the truth is I don’t deserve anything. I entered this world because God allowed me to, he owes me nothing. In fact, really I deserve damnation, but instead he blesses me, with life, breath, Tim, First Glance, food, etc. More and more I realize how good these gifts are and I realize they really are GIFTS. If for some reason some of these things are taken from me, I have no doubt I will mourn the loss of them. I also know that it was a gift in the first place. I work hard to keep my hands open to understand that God really is in control.
And this is the last song we sang at the funeral… It is Well.