I love them all so much!

These three are dear friends of mine.  When I look at this picture it makes me smile for couple reasons.  First of all, I love each of these girls so much.  Oh the stories I could tell you about the entertaining adventures and friendships I have had with each of them over the years.  The other reason this picture makes me smile is I remember how annoyed I was that Jessica was making us take this picture as we all happened to be in the FG office that day.  I didn’t love taking pregnancy photos, but now am so glad to have it!

All four of us were due within weeks of each other, and I had plans with each of them for our shared maternity leave.

  • Kendra and I always do Swensons, so why not have Swenson dates with our babies?  It was a solid plan!
  • Sarah and I were going to be first time moms together.  We shared a baby shower and hoped to continue the sharing with mom advice, frustrations and middle of the night texts.  
  • Jenna and I meet monthly to talk about leadership in ministry, as she’s the Director of The Mother’s Nest.  We planned to keep our monthly meetings, but just tell everyone it was a mom date that way nobody could yell at us for working on maternity leave.  

When mourning the loss of Enoch I also mourn the loss of the plans and parenting along side these ladies.

After Enoch it took a minute for all of us to figure out how to interact with one another.  Kendra already had Zelda, but was afraid her little baby girl would bring me pain.  Sarah and Jenna felt bad to express their joy of their expected little girls, and I was fearful that I was the walking embodiment of their worst nightmare.  We had some good conversations.  We worked to be sensitive toward one another.

The truth is their babies and pregnancy didn’t bring me pain.  The only thing I prayed for consistently and fervently after Enoch was for Sarah and Jenna’s babies to be healthy.  As much as these ladies wanted to protect me from the sadness their babies might bring me, that’s not what I wanted.  Their little girls don’t bring sadness, and I am so excited for my friends to have their babies.  Honestly I never want anyone to go through what I did!  I’m not jealous or bitter… I desperately want them to hold their babies close as every mom should.

This week Jenna was the last of the four of us to give birth.  And so the next day I went to the gravesite and told Enoch about his friends: Zelda, Evangeline and Reyna.  I told him how he would have been outnumbered for sure.  I cried most of the time I was there.  The mourning, the loss, and the grief is real, and there are so many layers… I wanted Enoch to meet these little girls; I couldn’t wait to parent with their mom’s; and I simply want Enoch to be alive.

I have to say as much as I grieve, I also rejoice.  I am so grateful for the friendships I have with these ladies and I am thrilled to get to meet and know and love their little ones.  I really do love them all!

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