9 Months

9 Months.  It’s hard to believe it has been 9 months.  Today seemed desperately hard for some reason.  Harder than some of the other difficult days.  I could give you some reasons, guesses really, as to why.  But one thing I’ve learned about grief is that it often doesn’t make sense.

Each month I take the photo below.  The blocks marking his age.  His small converse which used to mark his grave when there was no stone.   It’s what I do.  It’s all I have.  I took this photo today like normal, even though the day seemed sadder than normal to me.

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Then tonight while the raining was pouring down I decided I needed to go back.  Back to his grave.  To stand in the rain somehow was soothing to the breathtakingly hard day.  While there, I took another picture.  As I reflect on it, I realize this is how I feel internally today.  Dark, dreary, rainy, and cold.  It seems much more appropriate than the first.

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