9 Months. It’s hard to believe it has been 9 months. Today seemed desperately hard for some reason. Harder than some of the other difficult days. I could give you some reasons, guesses really, as to why. But one thing I’ve learned about grief is that it often doesn’t make sense.
Each month I take the photo below. The blocks marking his age. His small converse which used to mark his grave when there was no stone. It’s what I do. It’s all I have. I took this photo today like normal, even though the day seemed sadder than normal to me.
Then tonight while the raining was pouring down I decided I needed to go back. Back to his grave. To stand in the rain somehow was soothing to the breathtakingly hard day. While there, I took another picture. As I reflect on it, I realize this is how I feel internally today. Dark, dreary, rainy, and cold. It seems much more appropriate than the first.