My Second Mother’s Day

Mother’s day is tricky.  It’s tricky for me, as the loss of Enoch continues to be at the forefront of my mind.  All week I have been wearing my “E” necklace with his birth stone my friends gave to me when he was born.  I have been wearing it as a reminder that I am Enoch’s mom.  That meeting him, holding & cuddling his little body really was such a gift!  I still deeply long to continue to do so, but for now am so very grateful for those 11 hours with him (and the 40 weeks leading up).

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This is how I spent the brunt of that night… holding his little body close to mine.

On this day I am equally so very grateful for the opportunities God has given me to mom others in my life!  God has allowed me to mother in little ways where I get to love, care and nurture those around me.  It’s those moments when making “family dinner” for those who live with us and function as our family, when Andrew comes over and asks if I’ll make him Lasagna, or when I take Alicia all the supplies she needs when she’s sick and needs cared for.  Over the years I’ve had the opportunity in greater ways such as when Joe and Brea each lived with us.  Tim & I  functioned as “mom and dad” while they were in our home and they have been a huge parts of our lives ever since.  And fairly regularly I get to mom the teenagers who walk through the doors of First Glance.  Some call me mom and others don’t, but I get to give them all a hug and drill them about the boy they have been dating.

I often think about a conversation with my own mom years ago when she said, “Everyone just wants their mom.”  I know that to be true.  I know that as I have had the opportunity to love and mom others, I understand I cannot replace their mom and don’t pretend I can.  And they don’t want me to.  I simply am so very grateful for a God who redeems and allows for some of these relationships in my life.  It really is such a gift!!!  As I reflect on this day, it continues to challenge me to use my desire to nurture and mom those who do desire a little momming.

Mother’s day is tricky… for those who have lost a child and others who have lost or have a broken relationship with their mom.  There’s not many “happily ever afters” when it comes to this day, not many that I know of anyhow.  But today I’m choosing to embrace the joy of the day: grateful for my own mom, grateful for the people God has allowed me to mom over the years, and so very thankful for those moments with my little baby boy.

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