I’ve been using the phrase “everything is a gift” a lot since Enoch has passed away. Recently a friend asked me to explain more about it, to dialog how I got to this point. I told him several stories that lead me to the point of seeing life in this light, and that really this view came way before I even knew that Enoch existed. As we were having this conversation he challenged me because I had made a comment about comparing myself to others. He was right in asking for clarification. The reality is that Everything is a Gift when I compare myself to God, not to others. We will always find someone who has it has it better and be frustrated by what we don’t have. Let’s face the realities this is why I don’t look at FB during Christmas time and back to school… I don’t need to compare myself to all of those families. But when I compare myself to God, to what I deserve next to Him, it really is nothing.
I had been talking about this idea so often right before Enoch was born, for at least a year. In fact I wrote this exactly 3 months before hand.
I really wholeheartedly believe EVERYTHING IS A GIFT. I haven’t adopted this now that “everything in my life is good” or because I finally got pregnant. It’s something that has become more and more evident over time. That we have come into this world with nothing, that we don’t “deserve” anything. You see I’ve walked a lot of days on this earth angry or sad because something didn’t go the way I thought it should… in timing, in outcome, etc. The problem is I have spent a lot of those days feeling like “I deserve” something and people have encouraged this thought process saying things like, “you deserve a vacation”, “you deserve a new car”, “you deserve to be a mom” etc. I understand the sentiment, but the truth is I don’t deserve anything. I entered this world because God allowed me to, he owes me nothing. In fact, really I deserve damnation, but instead he blesses me, with life, breath, Tim, First Glance, food, etc. More and more I realize how good these gifts are, and I realize they really are GIFTS. If for some reason some of these things are taken from me, I have no doubt I will mourn the loss of them. I also know that it was a gift in the first place. I work hard to keep my hands open to understand that God really is in control.
Then the Sunday before Enoch was born we were at church, and we heard this sermon. I remember after the sermon being all amped up, saying to our community that we sat with, “Did you hear that? It’s what I’ve been saying for months! We don’t deserve anything, everything is a gift!” As I looked around at our community I realized this sermon impacted them too, although for different reasons. One guy cried the majority of it; another friend was so wrecked that she couldn’t talk about it and left for the afternoon to process it; and it was during this sermon that Tim felt God revealed that our son may die for God’s glory.
After my conversation with my friend, I felt like I needed to listen to this sermon again. I hadn’t since that day when I sat in the pew along with my community. I continue to be encouraged by it. And I continue to believe “Everything is a Gift,” not because it’s my catch phrase, but because I geninuely understand anything God chooses to give me is a gift.